A WELL PLANNED & APPROPRIATELY EXECUTED MID-LIFE CRISIS

Now, a naysayer might say, “Hey. I don’t know if you’ve noticed this, but you’re not that great of a singer.” To which I say, “Yep, that’s about right.” Oh, sure, I’ve garnered some accolades in the occasional church performance, and I would even say I earned them. But I’m no professional. I’m certainly aware of where I come up short of that honor, but I choose to believe that I have real potential, and that I have it within me to reach that potential.
​Shortcomings then, as follows: 1. the voice – muted, breathy, occasionally pitchy, and without question, upper-range-challenged. Solution: practice makes perfect, and I know some of what I should be doing better. To some extent, I can self-train. 2. vocal percussion – very nearly a necessity, but I know about nothing about it, and I know no one who does. Solution: Mouthdrumming, volumes one and two, by Wes Carroll ($20 each, I think). 3. songwriting/arranging skills – simply not present. Solution: learn guitar and piano, gather information from CASA.org, library books written as songwriting courses, and listen to way more music, especially a cappella music
To some extent, this should all be taken care of before I start recruiting. I can’t recruit until I have a vision and I can’t have a clear and compelling vision until I’m a legitimate musician. Right now, though, in the interest of beginning with the end in mind, I will measure the success of this enterprise by the “legitimacy” of the album produced at the end. It all comes down, for me, to making a killer CD. Or two. Live performance, Contemporary A Cappella League membership, competitions would all be neat to aspire to as well, but for some reason, they don’t drive me like producing quality recorded music.
And as I wrote all this down, I also wrote down that I wanted to learn to cook. Completely unrelated, I know. But I want to, so now that’s part of it. And once I wrote that down, I decided I might as well write down my other two aspirations, writing and movie making. So I did. And you know what else? I want to get back in touch with ALL of my old friends (which I’ve done before) and STAY in touch (which I haven’t).
And that’s it. The whole goal/dream I’m calling my mid-life crisis. All on a budget of … well, just very little. And with the following major caveat: big rocks first.
If you’re into the 7 Habits, you know exactly what I mean. For everyone else, I simply mean that unlike the typical mid-life crisis, this cannot be allowed to eclipse the things that are truly important in my life. My role as husband and father comes before this, my job comes before this, my church callings come before this, finances, care of the home, my health all come before this.
So the major doubt, even after all the other obstacles, is simply this: with all these big rocks, when is this going to happen?

THE iPOD, THE MID-LIFE CRISIS, AND EVERYTHING

            I’ve chosen my mid-life crisis.

            This has been a long time coming. I remember when the true concept of a mid-life crisis was brought to my attention, maybe 10 or 12 years ago. The wife of a twice-over Harley Davidson owner and Mormon bishop was asked how she let him get away with it. She said that as long as his mid-life crisis wasn’t another woman, she was okay with it.

            I want you to know that the ramifications of this profound statement were not lost on me. The effect on my imagination was immediate. Carte blanche, the blank check! Imagine – automatic spousal approval of ANYTHING that isn’t another woman, regardless of the cost (almost). My mind raced – this is a once-in-a-lifetime shot, so what do I really, REALLY want? A den? I’ve SO been wanting a den for so very long, but no, because then we move and my mid-life crisis is over and I don’t get a new den in the new house. Family annual passports to Disneyland? What could be more ME? But again, so very, very temporary.

            After that, I was drawing a blank. See, I was already entering that stage of life where you forget what your hobbies and interests are because there’s just no time for that silly childishness. The idea sat on the back burner for a decade, as I knew that I had some time to plan. Then I turned 40.

Still no ideas, but I did get an iPod Touch for my birthday. My first iPod, in fact, and it was something of an awakening. Music, internet, game machine, social networking optimizer and PDA in one extremely comfortable package. I had also long been curious about this “podcast” concept and I began listening to a few on a regular basis. Disneyland podcasts (of course), Harry Potter podcasts, humor podcasts, self-improvement podcasts, none of which was entirely satisfactory. But I did actually know one podcast celebrity, admittedly not extremely well and only from my deep past, my best friend’s younger brother, Dave. So I listened to “Mouth Off” with Dave Brown and Christopher Diaz.

Besides being dynamically produced and mighty funny, “Mouth Off” resonated with me, stirring up memories long since set aside. I had a quartet in high school called “The Brethren.” It’s tough to say, but that may have been the best part of my high school experience. Tough because there are major contenders for the title; high school went really well for me and many of my experiences there were nothing short of amazing. But the Brethren was, well, a real brotherhood for me, and I still get excited about that feeling of the perfectly blended chord, but especially of being part of it. It seriously transports you. It wouldn’t make a good basis for a religion, but there is something spiritual in it.

I took a look at the stuff I do when I’m unfocussed. I realized, as though I was noticing something over the shoulder of another person, that I actually have been keeping a written list of songs I wanted to arrange for a reunion of the Brethren that will NEVER HAPPEN. For starters, its other members live in Boise, Dallas, and Washington DC (actually, suburbs of these, in every case) and I’m here in Las Vegas. Beyond that, based on subsequent conversations, I don’t think the others miss it quite the way I do. Well, anyway, it’s time I either delete that list or sing those songs some other way.

            A Cappella. It really fits as a mid-life crisis, doesn’t it? Something that if a 40 year-old puts a great deal of time and effort into, everyone around him thinks it’s kind of stupid, and he’s more or less the only one impressed with whatever he accomplishes (see Andy Bernard – there, I said it first, so if you have an Andy Bernard reference brewing, it’s too late and you may now shut up). Yes, that’s just the thing, I think.

            And then it grew.

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See the following anthems for additional reference:

   • Good Old A Cappella – The Nylons

   • Chordbusters March – Blue Grass Student Union

   • I Never Walk Alone – Huey Lewis and the News